


It's Occam's Razor, Baby

by CreepE



Category: Naruto
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Office, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7863361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreepE/pseuds/CreepE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke Uchiha was a damn good boss with a damn bad attitude. He knew it, his workers knew it, and the CEO of the company knew it, so despite the general grumblings of people complaining about how harsh he was, no one ever raised a fuss about it. They did, however, love to gossip about him, and since he was such a straight-laced asshole who seemed to have a stick up the arse about everything, their favourite thing to do was make up stories about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Occam's Razor, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Or, five times Sasuke's workers misunderstood his relationship with Naruto and the one time they understood it perfectly.
> 
> God, binge-watching The Office and Naruto at the same time is a bad idea.

Sasuke Uchiha was a damn good boss with a damn bad attitude. He knew it, his workers knew it, and the CEO of the company knew it, so despite the general grumblings of people complaining about how harsh he was, no one ever raised a fuss about it. They did, however, love to gossip about him, and since he was such a straight-laced asshole who seemed to have a stick up the arse about everything, their favourite thing to do was make up stories about him.

The latest rumour on the street was that he’d gotten a new flat—which was true—and that he’d had to buy it because the other residents of his old tiny apartment kept complaining about how loud he was being with his hookers—which was, most likely, false. It was still fun to laugh at though, and Ino and Sakura were doing just that when Sasuke strode entered the office with his usual no-nonsense stride.

“Tax reports due end of the day, ladies,” he said shortly as he removed a Tom Ford jacket that probably cost more than Sakura’s annual car payments. “Sasori wants them at five so have them on my desk by four thirty.”

He swept past them in a wave of subtle cologne that made women on the streets swoon, then disappeared into his spacious office to begin his day of five hundred thousand sheets of paperwork or however much his overachieving personality pushed him to do. Probably closer to a million if his standards for his employees were anything to go by.

“I swear he gets hotter every day,” Ino sighed as she sipped metallic-tasting water from one of those tiny paper cups. “If he wasn’t such a prude, I’d make a move on him in less time than it takes for mascara to get fucked up after rubbing your eye.”

“Hey, maybe making a move on him is the way to _get_ him to stop being such a prude,” Sakura giggled. “Let him get his freak on for a few nights and he’ll mellow right out. It happened with Shikamaru and Temari.”

That made Ino snort so hard she ended up with water coming out of her nose, and then the two girls had to take a few personal minutes pounding their knees while they came up with hilarious fetishes their gorgeous boss could have. By the time they got to a foot fetish that had Sasuke worshipping a foot’s bone structure and planting kisses along its toes, they were in stitches.

“Um,” a voice interrupted them, and they both turned, swiping at tears, to catch sight of a man almost as dazzling as Sasuke. Light fluffy hair, sparkling azure eyes, and a friendly grin that was bright enough to light New York for a year made them both freeze, their hysterical laughter dying on their lips.

“You girls wouldn’t happen to know where Sasuke Uchiha is, would you?” he asked with a half-confused grin as if their laughter had been infectious even though he had no idea what they’d been laughing at. Ino looked him up and down and let out a low wolf whistle, which earned her an elbow in the side from Sakura.

“He’s in his office. Third door on the left,” Sakura offered, and sexy stranger gave her a warm nod before sauntering lazily the way Sasuke had just gone. The women watched him go, eyes flickering from a nice ass to broad shoulders made for climbing on, and Ino shook her head admiringly.

“Where are these boys coming from?” Ino whispered. Sakura smirked, hiding it behind her cup in case hottie turned around.

“I don’t know, but did you see what he was _wearing?_ ”

It was a warmish fall day, but that was no excuse for flip-flops under jeans, especially with a bright orange V-neck that totally didn’t match the colour of the shoes. If he was trying to make a fashion statement, he was failing horribly because Sakura didn’t think a single person could understand what his statement was.

“Definitely weird. But even weirder—what the hell does a guy like that want with _Sasuke?_ They look like polar opposites!” Ino hissed behind her cup as he disappeared into Sasuke’s office. They both grew quiet, listening, and soon there was a loud, angry exclamation and the sound of arguing. They only caught snatches of what was being said, but it multiplied the weird factor by at least a hundred.

“—left the stove on—”

“—coming all the way to my _office_ to tell me—”

“—your phone too, so I couldn’t—”

“—thanks, but still—”

“—welcome, god—”

“—may be late—”

“—home for dinner, then. I’m cooking your favourite, even though you don’t deserve it.”

The last words grew louder as Sasuke’s mysterious visitor came to the door, and Sakura and Ino pretended to be studiously immersed in watching the water cooler bubble. They both snuck a peek at the pair, who were standing there staring challengingly at each other, then quickly looked away when blondie came walking past them again, extending a friendly farewell as the door shut behind him.

“Sakura, Ino,” Sasuke snapped from behind them, and they both jumped to attention. “Last time I checked, break time isn’t for another two hours. Tax reports. _Now._ ”

The girls let out similar sighs and tossed their empty cups out, making their way back to their desks under Sasuke’s watchful eye. It was only after they were settled in their respective cubicles and Sasuke had vanished back into his office that Ino leaned over the cubicle wall, eyes wide and mischievous.

“So is he Sasuke’s new flatmate, or is he _Sasuke’s new flatmate?_ ”

“Oh my God, sign me up for the flat beside theirs,” Sakura squealed. “Although I cannot believe Captain Charming is rooming with someone who’s actually… well, charming.”

“ _Right?_ ”

They spent the rest of the afternoon discussing Sasuke’s new flatmate—his personality, his ability to argue with their unarguable boss, and his sweet ass—only stopping their chatter once to drop off the tax report forms. Rumour eventually spread via water cooler talk throughout the office, and for the next few weeks all anyone could talk about was Sasuke’s flatmate. The fad dropped off after a while, but it certainly wasn’t the last they saw of the new guy, and it definitely wasn’t the only rumour that would spread about him.

\---

The next time anyone saw hide or hair of the blonde was three months later, when he trotted into the office with a steaming box of Chinese and two chopsticks stuck behind his ear. This time it was Shikamaru and Choji at the water cooler, and Choji almost spit his water when he caught scent of the food. It was from one of the most expensive restaurants around, and the fancy box did not go at all with the mussed, yawning man who leaned against the door and surveyed the office with an appreciative stare.

“This place is so niiiice,” he said with a grin, stretching out muscular shoulders until they popped. If the guys hadn’t heard about Sasuke’s blonde ‘flatmate,’ they would’ve thought the blonde standing before them was from the street. Baggy sweatpants hung low on his hips, he still sported flip-flops despite the cool winter air, and he had sunglasses jammed into his hair over the chopsticks.

“Yo! Sas!” he yelled, and everyone in the office paused in their typing, phone conversations, and idle doodles to stare. Oblivious to the attention, the blonde guy stood on his toes and craned his neck down the hall until the boss came stalking from his office, thousand dollar loafers slapping angrily against the floor and making everyone sink back down in their cubicles.

“What. Do. You. Want?” Sasuke gritted out, his face a storm cloud as he took in the outfit, food, and easy grin. The blonde offered the takeout with a grin, and Sasuke seemed to get even angrier. He snatched it away, crumpling the box in one fist and fixing the blonde with such a sharp stare that Shikamaru and Choji slunk away in case things turned bad.

“Just wanted to bring you lunch,” the blonde laughed, tucking his hands behind his head and winking. Everyone waited for the inevitable explosion where Sasuke would yell about how he hated greasy foods and he hated people disturbing him midday, but shockingly, it never came. Sasuke only huffed out a long, angry sigh and snatched the chopsticks from behind the blonde’s ear.

“Great, you brought it,” he said flatly. “Thanks. Now _leave_.”

“Make sure you eat it!” the blonde returned, wagging a finger at Sasuke as if he were a child. “I know you sometimes get so caught up in work you don’t eat.”

Sasuke’s expression grew even more sour, if that was possible, and the threatening look on his face was enough that people even stopped their spying. The blonde seemed to take the look as his cue to leave, and he lifted both hands to wave to the entire office, shouting out a goodbye to everyone. Sasuke slammed the door behind him so quick Shikamaru was surprised it didn’t smoke him in the back, although from the yelp on the other side the blonde clearly hadn’t expected the slam.

“Stupid goddamn idiot,” Sasuke huffed under his breath as he walked back to his office, muttering obscenities all the way.

“Shikamaru, did you _see_ that?” Choji asked, his head poking up over Shikamaru’s cubicle. Shikamaru narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, wondering if the rumours really were true. As cantankerous as Sasuke had been, the lack of any real bite was suspicious. Instead of giving the blonde a lecture on wasting time and dumping the food in the garbage without a second thought, Sasuke had actually accepted it. And he’d said thanks. Sasuke _never_ said thanks, even sarcastically.

“Yeah, I did,” Shikamaru said, shaking his head. “And let me tell you—that guy’s gotta be more than just a flatmate. If I had to choose, I’d say…”

Ten more heads popped up to hear the lazy genius’s answer, ears perked in a way they never were when Sasuke handed out assignments.

“A relative. That’s the only way to explain Sasuke putting up with stuff like that.”

Word spread like wildfire, and soon everyone was saying that Sasuke’s flatmate was not only a roomie, but he was also a relative. The girls squealed about getting Sasuke’s genes while the guys wondered if there were any female cousins, and everyone kept themselves amused with picturing the rest of Sasuke’s family for a long time. By the time Sasuke’s ‘cousin’ came around again, everyone was half-convinced that Sasuke was descended from a long line of models (this was untrue, although apparently the rumour about his brother once modelling wasn’t).

\---

The third time the blonde came in, the office was in the middle of a frenzy. A budget cut had left every branch scrambling to come up with more money so they wouldn’t have to cut jobs, and the air in the office was so tense it was hard to breath. No one was at the water cooler this time—Sasuke snapped at anyone who took early breaks, who drank too long at the water cooler, and who generally existed in his vicinity. Stress was reaching its peak and the shitshow that was every day made everyone fear for their jobs.

The blonde walked right into the middle of this, seemingly completely oblivious. Ninety percent of the cubicles hid the view of the door into the office, but Sai’s cubicle faced the door and he quirked an eyebrow at the way the blonde frowned at the atmosphere. Clearly he hadn’t expected something this bad, but after a second it seemed like he’d made up his mind and he shook his head, rolling his eyes. Padding across the floor quietly with his flip-flops—which were the exact same ones he’d worn every other time he’d come—he paused outside of Sasuke’s door and lay one hand against the frame.

Before knocking, he glanced over one shoulder and saw Sai watching. With a wink and a finger to his lips, he slowly opened the door and slipped inside, shutting it behind him with a soft click. There was no yelling or arguing this time, which Sai found suspect, but then the blonde had been dressed much better in designer jeans and an airy white dress shirt that showed off his wide shoulders and slim hips. Maybe he’d gone in for a reason that wasn’t quite as idiotic as his other reasons had been.

Sai waited for a few minutes for the blonde to come back out, but when he didn’t Sai shrugged, hunkered down, and began trying to come up with numbers that didn’t make keeping his job quite so precarious.

It was about half an hour later when the blonde exited, and the self-satisfied smirk on his face was completely at odds with the feeling in the office. Sasuke came to stand at the door behind him, and Sai almost dropped his coffee mug at the way his boss looked. Sasuke was the most put-together man he’d ever seen—hair always styled just so, suit so ironed a wrinkle wouldn’t dare to take residence in it, and a way of holding himself that said he had absolute confidence in his ability to do… well, anything.

But right now all of that seemed to have flown out the office window, as Sasuke leaned against the doorjamb and murmured to his companion. Obsidian locks were mussed all over, his dress shirt was half-untucked, and he was more relaxed than Sai had ever seen him before. His expression as his companion laughed was as withering as it always was, but the acidity and desperation that had tinged his movements and words for the past few weeks had disappeared completely.

“Just what the doctor ordered,” Sai heard the blonde sing out, and Sasuke muttered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘fuck off and die.’ Yet before he vanished into his office, Sai was sure there’d been a smirk on his face. No. That was impossible. Sasuke Uchiha didn’t soften words with nice expressions, and he most certainly didn’t _smile_. Sai banished the thought from his mind before it could take root, because Sasuke smiling was so incredibly ridiculous that there was no way he could circle it through the rumour network.

What he _did_ circle however, was exactly what he’d seen. Sasuke’s blonde cousin flatmate was clearly also his kenjutsu teacher, because everyone knew Sasuke did kenjutsu and blowing off steam fighting with wooden swords made the most sense for what Sai had seen. Sai had no idea where the blonde had kept the swords—maybe on his person, maybe Sasuke hid them somewhere in his office—but he was convinced swords had to be involved. Sasuke hiding swords in his office wasn’t the most out-there rumour that had ever surfaced, so people accepted it with ease and any time someone got called in to his office they began looking around.

That little game coupled with Sasuke’s dark mood easing up a little got the entire office through the budget cuts, and at the end of the day no one in their branch was fired. When all the workers went out to the bar to celebrate, they even invited Sasuke to join them. He denied with the appropriate amount of disgusted disdain, picking invisible lint from his suit and snarling out that bars were wastes of time, but he offered them a terse ‘Have a good time, though.’

That made the rumour mill go crazy, and a month later Sasuke was sitting at his desk with his head buried in his hands, wondering why so many women were inviting him to kenjutsu dojos with them.

\---

It was a Friday and Rock Lee and Neji were gossiping like two old ladies at a Sunday morning knitting party. Downing water like it was some sort of competition, Neji was explaining the reason he was convinced that Ino had her eye on Sai, and Lee was listening with the starry-eyed admiration only a temp could project.

“Hey,” an annoyed voice said, startling the two of them so badly that Lee spilled water down the front of his shirt. Spluttering out an apology, Lee must’ve bowed forty times before Sasuke told him to stop being pathetic. All temps thought Sasuke was a god since any branch he’d been in had sales numbers double the others, and they fell over themselves trying to impress him. Sasuke remained unimpressed by every single one. And by his workers. And by life in general.

“Something wrong?” Neji asked. As someone who’d worked the nine to five with Sasuke every weekday for the past three years, he could sort of tell the difference between Sasuke’s usual glower and his expression when he was truly disgruntled. Right now was definitely one of the latter—his Armani suit hung slightly askew on his lithe frame, his eyebrows were furrowed more than usual, and his tie was looser than its usual choking knot. If it were anyone else, Neji would’ve thought they didn’t care anymore because there was fifteen minutes until the weekend, but Sasuke _always_ cared about his appearance.

“Naruto,” Sasuke muttered, and Neji frowned in confusion. Seeing his expression, Sasuke’s scowl deepened as if Neji should know exactly who he was talking about. “The guy who comes in to bother me every now and then. Have you seen him?”

Neji and Lee exchanged glances then shrugged, shaking their heads. Sasuke turned away abruptly without another word, then began prowling in front of the door like a caged lion, pacing back and forth and sending everyone who was waiting and watching the clock scattering back to their desks. This was the most unusual occurrence that had taken place in the last three years, and everyone was on edge, waiting for something crazy to happen.

The doorknob rattled and Sasuke’s pacing stopped, his eyes narrowing as the door was thrown open and in crashed blondie, dressed in an oversized football jersey and wearing a headband with two flags sticking from it.

“Sorry I’m late!” he gasped out breathlessly, crouching over and resting his hands on his knees. “I was getting tickets.”

“Tickets,” Sasuke deadpanned. “Wonderful. You tell me you’ve got some great surprise and it ends up being tickets. To football. Which I don’t even like.”

The blonde—Naruto—laughed under his breath, shaking his head. When he tilted his head up to look at Sasuke, black war paint stood out in stark contrast to his light skin, two thick stripes painted across his cheeks to mark him as a real fan.

“It’s not a normal game, Sas. I got us Super Bowl tickets! We’re going to Texas for the weekend!”

“That’s…” Everyone waited with bated breath to hear Sasuke’s answer, and the tension in the air became almost as great at it had been when there were budget cuts. “…acceptable.”

The office erupted into cheers, and Sasuke closed his eyes, pressing a finger to his temple as if all the noise was giving him a headache. Naruto whooped and scooped him up into a hug, hooting his team’s name as Sasuke shoved him away viciously, wiping at the black Naruto had surreptitiously smeared across his cheeks during the hug.

The two of them left together, making an odd pair with Naruto chanting his team’s name and throwing one arm in the air with ferocious passion while Sasuke glided coolly along beside him. After they’d left, the office erupted into speculation and theories, deciding that, amazingly, Naruto was more than just a roommate cousin kenjutsu teacher. He was also Sasuke’s… friend. The fact that Sasuke could have a friend was mind-blowing, but there it was.

\---

The next person to catch a glimpse of Naruto was Gaara, who’d walked into Sasuke’s office to deliver a report on quality assurance and customer satisfaction. He stopped dead at Sasuke’s door when he noticed someone else was there, and his feet refused to go any further as he stared uncomprehendingly into the room.

Stacks of paper that were usually piled with obsessive care were strewn messily around Sasuke’s desk, all careful colour-coded sorting gone in a mess of scattered sheets. A few business management books normally kept in alphabetical order by author’s last name lay open on the floor in disarray, taking up way more space than they should be physically able to. Pens were also thrown about the room in a random order, and the office looked like it had just been generally destroyed by a hurricane.

Sitting in the middle of the chaos was Sasuke’s friend, flipping idly through a book with one hand as he munched on an apple in the other. He kept shifting, his fingers touching things, his eyes darting around, his feet tapping rhythms on the ground, as if he couldn’t bear to sit still for a second. When he saw Gaara, his entire face lit up and he moved to jump off of his perch on Sasuke’s desk, but Gaara quickly backed out of the office lest he be associated with the destruction.

He ducked his head and hurried away, report forgotten, only pausing to pretend he was getting water when Sasuke barrelled past him as if on a mission from hell. He heard the door slam open, then the loudest stream of curses he’d ever heard issued from the room at a rapid, formidable pace. Gaara clutched his reports to his chest and fled to his cubicle for dear life, fearing that somehow Naruto would be fired even though he didn’t work there.

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NARUTO!” Sasuke’s voice roared throughout the room. Examining thousands of repetitive products to make sure every single one was good began to seem much less tedious now. Yes, Gaara decided that he’d better get on that _right this second_. He scurried out of the office, nodding to Kankuro, who was just coming back from a coffee break, on the way out.

Kankuro stared after his brother in confusion, scratching the back of his head as he sipped the thick black sludge the company liked to call coffee.

“HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REMIND YOU THAT PHONES ARE THINGS THAT EXIST IN THIS WORLD? HOW MANY TIMES?”

Kankuro paused in the midst of shutting the door, then cast a quick glance up at the clock. He’d came back early, so he still had three minutes left. Usually he’d take that three minutes to get himself settled comfily into his chair, finish his coffee, and click through pictures of the creepy marionettes he liked to collect, but right then he suddenly had an epiphany. What if… _what if the coffee tasted better with cream?_ Oh yes, he simply _had_ to try it with cream! Before the door could even shut, he wrenched it open and sprinted after Gaara, leaving Sasuke’s screams behind him.

Apparently, as rumour had it, Naruto was also Sasuke’s secretary, and he’d tried to rearrange Sasuke’s things to a new secretarial standard that companies were attempting to uphold. Sasuke, bless his heart, had finally decided to assert his dominance against his higher ups and was showing backbone by not conforming to society’s view on how things of modernity should be organized.

Or, Sasuke’s workers were at the point where they had no idea what the fuck Naruto was to Sasuke anymore.

\---

It was three years since they’d first seen Naruto when they finally got their answer. He came into the office not just for Sasuke this time, but to bring everybody doughnuts. In his ridiculous flip-flops (which for once made sense since it was summer and he was also in shorts) he spun with a flourish to deliver unto the office twenty doughnuts. Setting them on a desk with a grin like he’d just won the lottery, he grabbed Kiba’s chair and sat in it as if he were a king, crossing one leg over the other and making a grand sweeping gesture.

“Help yourselves, guys!” he laughed as people began to trickle from the cubicles to gape at him. They still hadn’t figured out precisely who he was, but he had a connection to their boss and he was giving them doughnuts so they all fell a little in love with him. Munching on the sweet, fatty succulence that would surely go from their lips to their hips, people began casually asking Naruto questions.

_So you live with Sasuke?_

_Do you like living with him?_

_What’s he like at home?_

_Does he really hire hookers?_

Naruto laughed so hard at the last question, which was from Shino, that he nearly fell off Kiba’s chair (Kiba, glowering in the background, wished he had since he’d randomly stolen the chair and desk when Kiba was in the bathroom). The hysterics along with the commotion finally drew Sasuke from his den of paper hell, and when he saw Naruto laughing with doughnuts among his coworkers, his expression got so sullen that someone actually whispered ‘scatter’ and people flew back to their cubicles.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sasuke asked, coming to tower over Naruto. He slammed his hand down on Kiba’s desk, leaning forward to glare daggers at the blonde while Kiba stood waffling about what to do. Sasuke opened his mouth, then paused and turned to shoot Kiba a dirty look.

“Get back to work, Inuzuka,” he barked.

“Um, actually that desk is…” At Sasuke’s continued glare, Kiba dipped his head helplessly in a nod.

“Okay, sure,” he said quickly, scurrying away to Hinata’s desk, since she was the only one nice enough to let him take haven while the storm passed. He kept his ears perked, though, hoping things wouldn’t take long so he could get back to his desk. He actually had their most important client on hold right now.

“Naruto, this is my place of employment, not our house,” Sasuke said, sounding like he was struggling to stay calm. “You can’t just walk in here unannounced every time you need to tell me something.”

“What if I need to give you something?” Naruto’s voice asked, all mischievous amusement.

“What do you—” Sasuke’s voice cut off abruptly followed by a sharp intake of breath. “No. _No_ , Naruto. That was a one-time thing.”

“I’ve never seen you so—”

“Do _not_ talk about it. It never happened. Moving on. No Naruto, _we’re moving on in this conversation._ ”

“Fiiiine. We’ll talk about it later.”

“If by later you mean never, then it’s still too soon. It may have been good but—Stop doing things to this conversation. We’re talking about you coming in here without permission. Even if I don’t mind, this is a professional setting, and real work needs to get done here. With you coming in here all the time, I could lose my job. Do you understand?”

“Uchiha!” a sudden voice cut through an argument that made no sense to anyone, and this time people actually did start working instead of listening in. Sasuke straightened from his crouch over the desk, his tall frame letting him stand a head above the cubicles to see the CEO himself striding purposefully for Kiba’s cubicle.

“Sasori,” Sasuke greeted, managing to make acid sound respectful. It was true art, the way Sasuke could be so polite while still achieving godlike levels of asshole-ness.

“I wanted our annual mock-up on this year’s numbers by precisely four. It is now three minutes after four and—”

Sasori paused when he got Kiba’s cubicle and stared in surprise at the blonde spinning in Kiba’s chair. There was a long moment where everyone wondered if Sasuke was going to get fired (in that moment, people thought they might actually miss the bastard) until Naruto leapt from his chair and threw strong arms around Sasori with a laugh, pounding his back.

“The master himself has appeared,” Naruto said with a grin as Sasori returned the smile, albeit in a slightly more reserved manner. The unexpected turn of events would’ve been enough to fuel rumours for the next ten years, but what Naruto said next made things even crazier. “How have you been, ya bastard? Getting into trouble since the wedding?”

“I wouldn’t have gotten in trouble if you hadn’t forced me to drink,” Sasori sighed, smoothing out a suit even more expensive than Sasuke’s. “Although I suppose I agreed to the drinking stipulation when I agreed to be your best man.”

(“Shit,” Sakura whispered out of the corner of her mouth. “He’s married.”

“Why are all the good ones always gay or married?” Ino returned with a shake of her head.)

“Speaking of best man, how’s yours, Sasuke?” Sasori asked, and every woman froze over, the office froze over, and hell froze over because holy shit Sasuke Uchiha was married. Before Sasuke could manage to get the answer out, both Sakura and Ino’s heads popped up and they cried out one word at the same time.

“Who?”

Sasuke’s eyes were daggers, but both girls ignored them in their desperation to hear the answer. Sasori looked mildly surprised at the question, and Naruto suddenly buried his head in his hands with a groan.

“Are you kidding me? They don’t know, Sas?”

Even Sasuke’s look was softened in astonishment as he realized that no one in the office had truly put two and two together despite all of their crazy, far-fetched rumours. Even though he wore the ring on a chain around his neck instead of on his finger, he’d been sure they would’ve at least guessed. Or heard something, not that the wedding had been all that big.

“Sasuke and Naruto,” Sasori said bluntly, wasting no time for explanations. “They’ve been married for the past two years. Moved in together three years ago.”

With a frightening clarity, everything that had happened in the past three years made perfect sense. And it didn’t. Not a single person understood how tight-ass Sasuke could be married to doughnut guy, or how that dynamic even worked. Yet the conversations, the meetings, and Sasuke’s slightly-less-acerbic-than-usual mood left no doubt that, incredibly, something really had changed.

“Well, anyway, we were arguing about something I think you could help clear up,” Naruto said brightly into the silence. “Sasuke thinks he’ll get fired for the amount of times I visit him, but I think you’d give me a pass because I’m me. What do you say, Sasori?”

With barely a moment’s hesitation, Sasori shrugged.

“As long as your reports aren’t late—” Sasuke silently handed over a novel-length bundle of papers. “—you can do what you like.”

Shuffling the papers on the desk and then tucking them under one arm, Sasori strode from the room, leaving everyone there in a stunned silence. As usual, Naruto was the first to break it again.

“Did you hear that, Sas?” he asked in a stage-whisper. “He said we can do what we like. That means _office sex_.”

Despite joking around about Sasuke’s kinks and fetishes, every single person in the office thought this statement was way, way too much information. Sasuke himself seemed to think this was too much information, as he got up without another word and glided effortlessly back to his office, ignoring Naruto trotting after him eagerly. When he reached his door, he slammed it in Naruto’s face and didn’t come out for the rest of the day, even after the blonde had laughed hysterically at his reaction then gone home.

Rumours about Sasuke decreased dramatically after that, water cooler talk turning to other topics that hadn’t been confirmed false yet (like their CFO, Kakashi Hatake, banging their COO, Obito Uchiha). It wasn’t that people didn’t like poking fun behind Sasuke’s back, it was more just the fact that talking about Sasuke’s fetishes hit too close to home, since they had to go to his office so much and they didn’t like picturing what happened behind his closed door meetings with Naruto. Besides that and the girls’ obsession with the raven-haired man diminishing, nothing much changed.

But people always knocked before they entered his office now. Oh man, did they knock.


End file.
